Wild Cows

I went on vacation recently with one of my all-time favorite people. More on that later. For now, let me just recount a hilarious moment from the trip. It started innocently enough; while driving past some cattle ranches, I looked over and absentmindedly remarked: "Wow, that cow needs to be milked."

Friend: "Huh, I wonder what cows do when no one's around to milk them."

Me: No response, because I had to pause and think through this thought: "What? Does she think cows only produce milk for humans? Is she really forgetting that they have calves?" But, I didn't say that, because she was already saying this...

"I mean, it's not like they can rub themselves up against a tree or something...it doesn't really seem like that would work..."

No response, because now I'm laughing, as I've had this strange visual image of a cow rubbing itself against a tree, desperately hoping that will help it somehow. Clearly, she's never tried to milk a cow. It's not like the moment an udder touches something milk starts squirting out.

Friend: "But they must have to do something, because they can't all have owners. What about wild cows?"

Me: Laughing too hard to talk, thinking "wild cows?"

Friend: "So you're just going to let me babble on and on until I figure this out, huh...clearly you're not going to stop me from self-destructing here...they weren't always domesticated...there must have been wild cows at some point...oh, wait. They have calves."

It probably only took 30 seconds to have that conversation, but it's provided me many, many laughs since. I'm not sure it will seem as funny in print, but I needed to record it so I could store up the details somewhere. Because when we first met up at the airport the first thing that popped into her head after seeing me was (apparently) some of the other funny situations I could share when I give the toast at her wedding.